Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and he can be yours too!!!

John 3:16

                                                                                                                                             

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is a gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Ephesians 2:8-9

                                                                                                                                            

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross, and follow Me... For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will man give in exchange for his soul?

Matthew 16:24 and 26

 

SOME WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down

2. Page yourself over the intercom. don't disguise your voice

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

5. Call somebody and say, "Sorry, can't talk right now"

6. Order a diet water whenever your go out to eat--with a serious face

7. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk

9. Don't use any punctuation

10. Sing along at the opera

11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day

13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you cant attend their party because you're not in the mood

14. Have your friends address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom

15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

16. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

17. Repost this if you think it's funny!!

Read this and you'll think the human race won't make it too much longer:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair!).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how...?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well... a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought...?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and I'm taking this because...?)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a hair straightener: "Do not use in water." (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I'm taking a bath.)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile.

WE ARE GIRLS:

WE RUN AROUND THE HOUSE WHILE WE BRUSH OUR TEETH. WE READ THE SHAMPOO BOTTLE IN THE SHOWER. WE LAUGH AT OUR OWN JOKES BEFORE WE TELL THEM. WE CAN READ A SENTENCE 10 TIMES WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING IT. WE GO INTO THE SHOWER AND FORGET OUR TOWELS, SO WE HAVE TO TAKE A RISKY RUN TO OUR BEDROOMS HOPING NOBODY SEES US. WE PUSH DOORS, EVEN WHEN THE BOLD LETTERS IN FRONT OF US SAY PULL. WE SAY "WHAT?" EVEN IF WE HAVE UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING SOMEONE HAS SAID. WE HATE IT WHEN THE WIND MESSES UP OUR HAIR SO WE WALK BACKWARDS TO RE-FIX IT. WE CAN SEE THE SAME MOVIE 10 TIMES. WE HAVE TO CALL OUR OWN PHONE TO FIND IT. WE CAN LOOK AT THE CLOCK WITHOUT SEEING WHAT TIME IT IS. WE TURN THE PILLOW OVER TO LIE ON THE COLD SIDE. WE SET THE ALARM CLOCK TO RING EARLIER IN THE MORNING SO WE CAN LAY IN LONGER. BEFORE WE GO TO BED, WE CALCULATE HOW MANY HOURS WE GET TO SLEEP. WE TRY AND DO THINGS BEFORE THE MICROWAVE BEEPS. WE CLOSE THE FRIDGE DOOR REALLY SLOW TO SEE IF THE LIGHT STAYS ON. WE TRY AND BALANCE THE LIGHT SWITCH BETWEEN ON AND OFF. PUT THIS ON YOUR PAGE IF THIS IS THE KINDA GIRL YOU ARE!