Hi! Make sure to check out out my horses for sale, and don't forget to friend me. PLEASE LOOK AT MY DIRECT SALES, I REALLY NEED PASSES! Thx :) 
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Read this and you'll think the human race won't make it too much longer:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair!).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how...?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well... a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought...?)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and I'm taking this because...?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a hair straightener: "Do not use in water." (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I'm taking a bath.)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile.
SOME WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passingcars. see if they slow down
2. Page yourself over the intercom. don't disguise your voice
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
6. Order a diet water whenever your go out to eat--with a serious face
7. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk
9. Don't use any punctuation
10. Sing along at the opera
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day
13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you cant attend their party because you're not in the mood
14. Have your friends address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom
15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
16. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
17. Repost this if you think it's funny!
Best Horse Puns and Jokes
Are you a horse?
Answer yay or neigh.
What do horses eat?
Fast food.
What did the mare tell her filly after dinner?
“Don’t forget to clear the stable!”
What type of horses only go out at night?
Night-mares.
What did the horse say when it fell?
“I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
Why did the horse cross the road?
Because somebody shouted hay!
Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey?
In case he takes offence.
Where do horses shop?
Old Neigh-vy.
Where do horses go when they’re sick?
The horsepital.
What type of computer does a horse like to eat?
A Macintosh.
Why did the boy stand behind the horse?
He thought he might get a kick out of it!
Why did the horse eat with its mouth open?
Because it had bad stable manners.
What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?
One is reined up and the other rains down.
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman confuses idioms with jokes.
So he offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.
What’s a horse’s favorite TV show?
Neighbors.
Which side of a horse has more hair?
The outside.
How does a cowboy get a stallion to do odd jobs around the ranch?
Pay him under the stable.
How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?
His horse’s name was Friday!
How long should a racehorse’s legs be?
Long enough to reach the ground.
Why are most horses in shape?
Because they are on a stable diet.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse says, “You read my mind!”
Did you hear about the horse with the negative attitude?
She always said, “Neigh.”
What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
What do you call a noisy horse?
A herd animal.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
