-I am a minor
-I don't log in very often
-I am willing to sell many of my horses
-I can't find the exclamation mark on my keyboard help
SPELL YOUR USER: horses4ever
SPELL IT WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED: hoesws4eber
SPELL IT WITH YOUR ELBOW: bel;frxddedxr4de vdefr
SPELL IT WITH YOUR PINKY: horses4ever
BASH YOUR HEAD ON THE KEYBOARD: hybn45r4
Can you raed tihs? I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Isn't tihs so wreid? I tnhik it is the wreidset tnihg on Ertah! If you can raed tihs cpoy and ptsae tihs on your porlflie
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is twenty cat.
This is seconds cat.
Now, go back and reread the third word in each sentence!
Re-post this if...
-you hear your name even if its not being called
-you hate hearing your voice in recordings.
-you use the word "thingy" when you can't remember what something is called.
-you say the entire alphabet because you can't remember what letter comes next.
-you hate when one string of you're hoodie is longer than the other.
-you hate it when people think you like someone when you clearly don't.
-you hate it when your favorite song comes on, as you pull into the driveway.
-you feel like if get under the covers, you will be safe from anything
-you push those little buttons on the lids of fast-food drinks.
-you hate when you tell a guy to shut up and they copy you in a higher voice
-you hate waking up from a good dream and it won't come back
-your fridge has nothing to eat in it, even when it's packed with food
-you hate it when you think of a good comeback after the argument is over
-you never lose anything, you just haven't found it yet
-you always try to put the light switch in the middle but it never works
-you hate when teachers say "From all the talking, I assume everyone is done.
-you hate getting out of the shower and it's FREEZING..
-you love it when teachers get off track and tell you stories about their life.
-you stand in the shower for ages because the hot water feels soon good.
SOME WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down
2. Page yourself over the intercom. don't disguise your voice
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
6. Order a diet water whenever your go out to eat--with a serious face
7. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk
9. Don't use any punctuation
10. Sing along at the opera
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day
13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you cant attend their party because you're not in the mood
14. Have your friends address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom
15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
16. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
17. Repost this if you think it's funny!
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1. You can't count your hair
2. You can't wash your eyes with soap
3. You can't breathe when your tongue is out
Put your tongue back in fool.
Things you shouldn't do in an Elevator!!! (Love this!)
1. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
2. Ask, “Did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
3. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
4. Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
5. When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
6. Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
7. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
8. Say, while holding a paper withOUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was taped on the door when I came in. ”
9. Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
10. Stare at another passenger for a while, then scream “You’re one of THEM!” and cower to the far corner of the elevator.
11. When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming "Let me out!"
12. Post this on your page if you think this is funny!
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(CW for animal abuse in the following 2 stories)
I was your best friend as a kitten. You threw hairbands and I brought them back to you. You would happily pet me and call me your baby girl and princess. I loved you and kept you safe from the bad dreams that you had when you were little. As you got older, you brought more boys into the home. I saw you light some weed and crack every now and then, but loved you all the same. I slept by your side at night, but when a boy was in the home, you would kick me and throw me into the closet. I waited until the boy left and you let me out. As time progressed, you stopped feeding me and giving me water. You only fed me when you bred me and sold my beloved kittens. When I was old and delivered a bad litter, you threw me and my kittens outside to live in the cold and darkness. My kittens were blind, one deaf, and my third was born dead. I thought you cared, but I was wrong. When winter struck, my kittens died and I lived in a trash can until the humane society found me. I was given food and shelter, but no attention that an old she-cat needed. People would look at me through my cage, they would smile and wave, but no-one ever took me home. I was too old for anyone's likings. One cold winter day, a man with tears in his eyes took me out of my cage and into a light filled room. He told me I was going to a better and pain free place. I purred and licked his hand weakly as he placed the antiseptic needle in my veins. As I closed my eyes, I thought of you, my hurtful owner, that I loved and cared for when you were young. It was I who made you laugh when you were about to cry. It was I, the old female cat, that put up with you as you grew older, and this was the thanks I got. I closed my eyes and entered a pain free place, as the lovely man promised me. Copy this story onto your page if you hate animal abuse and if it brought tears to your eyes as it did mine.
HOW COULD YOU?
When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask, "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.
My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.
We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.
Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.
She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate.
Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me.
These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family
I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said, "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar, as he screamed “No, Daddy Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.
You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked, "How could you?"
They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.
When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured, "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said, "I'm so sorry."
She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her.
It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.
Put this on your page if this story brought tears to your eyes as it did mine.
