Read this and you'll think the human race won't make it too much longer:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair!).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how...?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well... a bit late, huh!)

On a wheelbarrow: "Not intended for highway use." (Not even if I hook up a motor to it?)

On a washing machine: "Do not put a person inside this washing machine." (But it's great for hide and seek...)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought...?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On kid's frog body towel: "Remove child before washing." (But then they both get clean at the same time...)

On an Ipod Shuffle: "Do not eat Ipod Shuffle." (But what if I get hungry?)

On the tag of a shirt: "Do not feed after midnight." (What if it needs an 11:59 snack?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

In the instructions manual of a toaster: "Wipe down toaster with damp sloth." (But they're endangered and I just ran out last week!)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and I'm taking this because...?)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a highway sign: "Deer crossing next 2 miles." (How did we get them to agree to stop after 2 miles?)

On Razor scooter: "Warning: This product moves when used." (No way!)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (You don't need to buy them first?)

On a packet of chopsticks: Good luck! (Thanks...I still to this day can't use chopsticks.)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On the bottom of a coffee mug: "For best results, use other side." (I mean, you could still hold a little bit of something in there.)

On a hair straightener: "Do not use in water." (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I'm taking a bath.)